I get out of my car and walk toward the Starbucks where I get my Refresher every morning.  (Shut up and don’t judge).  There’s Gerald sitting in his usual spot: the easy chair by the door, greeting all the regulars. (His real name is Rich and he rides a motorcycle but I refer to him in my head as Gerald because he seems like someone’s grandpa named Gerald and not a Rich who is also a biker.)  It is almost mandatory to stop and chat.  Even if you don’t want to.  He can see you coming from the parking lot from his front door seat. Weeks ago I was there with my husband and I introduced him and it was then I learned his actual name and he learned mine.  THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

So this particular day I walk in and he immediately says to me “Hey! Are you customer of the month?”  Now, any of my friends saying this would be a funny haha joke because I  go there every day.  But Gerald does not make jokes like this.  So I am confused.  He continues, “Your name is on the wall.”  At this point I am starting to have an out-of-body experience/panic attack.  I can’t explain it.  For those of you that know me, you are aware that I have no problem being the center of attention.  But only on my terms.  Having my name on the wall of Starbucks is NOT ON MY TERMS.

Slowly I float to this chalkboard that has miraculously appeared next the “Pet of the Month” announcement.  There is my name under customer of the month. There could be another customer named Samantha…but there is my signature drink under “favorite drink.”  It’s got to be me.  Oh no.  “Hobbies” has yet to be filled in.  And by the way, is this chalkboard new? Why have I never seen this before?  Hey, look at that cute Yorkie that is right next to me sharing the honor.  What are his hobbies and favorite drink?  “Dirty water from a puddle and sniffing butts.”

I creep up to the counter with what I’m sure is a red face.  I am already sweating.  There are maybe five people waiting for their drinks along with suddenly four people in line behind me.  Annie the barista approaches me “Your drink is free today because you are the customer of the month!” she says in what seems like a shout. Before I can say anything she whips out a camera and says “We have to take your picture!”

There are now over 100 people in Starbucks.  Probably not but it feels hot and crowded.  Have I mentioned I have not showered yet? That I am in yoga pants and a dri-fit quarter zip with my hair in a pony and last night’s make-up still on?  This is why we stay-at-home moms get a bad rap by the way.  Stop taking pictures of us in our natural habitat before we have even gotten ourselves together.

“Ummm…let’s let these people go first,” I say since it feels super weird to have my picture taken at the Starbucks counter with everyone looking. The man behind me says something like “I’ll have what she’s having.”  Not really but that line is from one of my favorite movies and it seems like he should have said that and that’s what he said in my head because it’s funnier.

I am still in the cloud as I take my seat near Kenny G (not the real Kenny G but a guy who looks just like him and I mean JUST LIKE HIM and it could be him because I haven’t seen him lately in the news and maybe he is just hiding out in DG on the down low except I think Kenny G would have better shoes and not wear ladies jeans.)

Finally my drink is ready and the crowd has dissipated a bit.  Annie comes over with a very official looking piece of scrap paper and asks me what my hobbies are.  Ummm.  Laundry, grocery shopping, driving my kids around from 3pm-7pm, letting my dog in and out of the back door, and this year in particular working on the several 4th Grade book reports that are due throughout the school year.  Then she takes my picture with a Polaroid which is either better because I can blame the bad photo on the blurry picture or worse because there is no Photoshop.

She puts my picture up and fills in the chalkboard.  I think about where I will go to get my Starbucks for the next month.  The one downtown?  No, crossing the tracks is like going to Canada.  I will not go north.  The one on 75th and Cass?  Maybe. It’s next to the Nothing Bundt Cakes and that makes me happy.   The drive thru on Maple and 53?  Too far.  It is starting to dawn on me why I am customer of the month…..

If you happen to need a Starbucks in the next month…hit up the one on 75th and Main…it’s got great atmosphere and the baristas and location can’t be beat…