This is the true story of four family members who chose to get on a plane, rent a car, drive down the California coast, and have their vacation documented.  Find out what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real.

The Real World: Pacific Coast Highway

Day Three:

9:30am: Get up and GO TO CHURCH. Yes. For real. ON VACATION.  Enjoy a coffee hour spread that could rival Old Country Buffet.  Think about how much Greeks like coffee hour and food. Watch Ted look on floor of car for tiny glasses screw.

12:00pm: Leave church and head to ANOTHER church. Yes. For real. ON VACATION.  Arrive at Joy of All Who Sorrow to venerate the Holy Relics of St. John Maximovitch, a modern-day saint. Liturgy is over so expect to be able to spend some quiet time lighting candles in prayer.  Instead, swing open front doors and unexpectedly see a bride right as she is walking down the aisle. Panic and hope you are not in the background of her pictures in your street clothes with five grimy kids behind you.  Feel confused as the church is empty of guests but clearly a wedding is happening in the immediate future, as in NOW.  Push Ted and Teddy in and run back outside to wait. Wonder how many other brides and grooms you will see on your trip and what it all means.

Above: Inside of the beautiful church Joy of All Who Sorrow.  Background, left to right: photographer, witness, bride, groom, and priest.  Foreground: Tourist in dad jeans who stumbled in.  NOT in our group. 

12:15pm: Watch Ted look on floor of car for tiny glasses screw.

12:17pm: Go to Greek restaurant for lunch and gorge self to prepare for two-hour drive to Santa Cruz.  Watch friend bring over frozen soft-serve Greek yogurt with what looks like honey drizzled on it and hear her say, “Try this.” Trust her and take giant spoonful. Feel tricked when you realize you are eating olive oil with sea salt.  Gag.  Resist desire to spit a mouthful of sea salt onto restaurant table.

                        Above, left: Yogurt with olive oil and salt.  Above, right: California lids.  

1:30pm: Grab Starbucks and hit the road. Suffer through first major disappointment of trip discovering California does not use plastic straws.  Force yourself to adjust to the misfortune that you can’t savor your Refresher like you can in Illinois.  Gulp it down faster than you should gulp down a $5 drink consisting mostly of water.   Enjoy scenic car ride down the coast. Appreciate the gorgeous cliffs, sparkling water, and twisty roads.

4:30pm: Arrive at hotel in Santa Cruz.

4:31pm: Watch Ted look on floor of car for tiny glasses screw.

5:00pm: Leave hotel to meet Ted’s cousin at his restaurant in Los Gatos. Wonder who planned the day’s itinerary (Eat heavy Greek lunch, drive two hours south down a winding coastal road, check-in hotel, drive back UP an even WINDIER road, eat ANOTHER heavy Greek meal.)

6:00pm: Become annoyed when WAZE decides that traffic on main road is too heavy.  Dumbass app recommends alternative route traversing curviest road in the history of roads. LITERALLY travel UP a mountain that twists and turns non-stop and then go back DOWN the mountain to get to destination.

Above: Road we should have taken in blue. Red arrows point to WAZE-recommended route.  

10:00pm: After huge, delicious meal, drive back to Santa Cruz for the night. Watch Ted use flashlight to look for tiny screw in car.  After much persuasion, convince Ted to abandon fruitless mission of ever finding screw again.

And yes…to be continued…